As fucked up as my mindstate was at the time, I don’t know if I would have believed it, myself. My father sat down with me later that night and tried to speak to me, man to man. He explained that he knew that I had been going through some rough patches in my life lately, and wanted to know if I wanted him to help me get out of it. Not sure how he would have done that, but I just shook my head. The rough patch that he referred to had been the death of my girlfriend and her little brother in a massive accident that I was involved in. A drunk had ran a red light and slammed into our Honda Accord and totaled it. Miraculously I had not been hurt much more than a few bruises and a shit load of mental anguish. My girlfriend’s brother died instantly. She, however, had not been so lucky. I sat there with her as she cried in my lap. I had never felt so powerless in my life. What the fuck had I done to deserve this? What had she done? What had her brother done? I had no answers. As I tried to. After 4 years of school, 2 years dating, 3 years living together and being married for 5 there was nothing new to try, I guess. It was Thursday morning, time to head to work, Oh Joy. Another day of the same ol’ shit. We passed each other in the hall and kept going. Half way there I turned my car to the south and kept driving. I called in at the last minute and said I was sick. Yep, sick of the entire mess I call my life. I only stopped twice before lunch, once to get coffee, the other to get rid of the same coffee. I pulled into a little roadside diner and ordered lunch. I parked at the back of the lot and looked out over the farm fields. My sandwich got warmer and my coffee got colder as I sat there without a care in the world. After a while I noticed the staff would look out to see if I was gone. I waved a little bit a few times and when they turned away I waved again, with only one finger. Finally I consumed the food and coffee. It tasted all right. I turned and drove back the.
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